Minor Characters VI: When Your Well Runs Dry
by RowenaR
Summary: If SG10 thought things from their last mission would be done with a sleepover and a few pancakes in the morning, they were damn wrong.
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** RowenaR

**Rating:** T

**Category:** friendship

**Disclaimer:** Stargate belongs to Gekko and… all those other people making money with it. Anyway, I don't. Honestly. So – I don't own, you don't sue. Deal?

**Summary:** If SG10 thought things from their last mission would be done with a sleepover and a few pancakes in the morning, they were damn wrong.

**A/N: **Whooey, 'nother _Minor Characters_ fic! Kind of a (four part) filler fic (but I guess by now the pattern of action-packed longer multi-chapter and bridge/aftermath shorter multichapters kind of established itself) but at least trying to deal with left over strands from _Lies, Lies, Lies_. I got a feeeling some things will never be dealt with properly but some things do need to be talked about, anyway so I hope I'm not going to disappoint :)

PS.: I'll stray from the established two POV per chapter pattern this time because it's going to work better with just one POV per chapter. Hope that's okay with you.

Anyway, as always: Not a native speaker, so please excuse any weird grammatical constructions, run-ons and typos. Feedback will earn you a cookie, flames will roast my marshmellows.

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**Minor Characters: When Your Well Runs Dry**

"_Tell me, tell me what you gonna do  
When your, when your well runs dry  
What you gonna do, when your, when your well runs dry?  
What you gonna do when your well runs dry  
I'd like to know  
What you gonna do when your well runs dry?"_

_Eric Clapton, "Till Your Well Runs Dry"_

**One**

_Moore_

Alright, I can do this. I can walk up to Landry's office, knock on the door and tell him never to fuck with my team ever again or I will end him. I once hit on a female fellow USAFA cadet and dissed the Black Knights, _right in front of her older West Point cadet sister_, who by the way, was a member of the judo team and a National Collegiate Champion two years running. Telling my boss not to screw around with my team should be a fucking piece of cake to me.

So… oh shit, General right ahead and no way to duck into another hall… wait. That's my chance. We're alone and not more than a couple yards away from his office. I need to act _now_. Alright. Fine. Wait a moment, wait a moment… _go_. "Excuse me, sir, might I have a word with you?"

Awesome timing, if I may say so myself. He was about to walk by with a short nod and I caught him right in that moment when he couldn't pretend he didn't hear me. "Of course, Major. What can I do for you?"

Nuh-uh, you won't get off so easily, sir. I school my face into a carefully worried expression. "I'd rather not have this conversation in a hall way, sir."

Just as planned, it gets him thinking enough that he pauses for a moment, then clears his throat. "...alright. Why don't we go back to my office?"

_Good_ boy. I resist the temptation of patting him on the head for playing along so well. "Gladly, sir."

Landry turns around and I tag along for the short walk back to his office, telling myself there's a good reason that I'm doing this and that I have airtight arguments for what I'm about to throw at him. I nearly crashed the entire SGC server network to get confirmation for the suspicions I'd been holding ever since I went through those e-mails Dee received from Noruega and his ex-employers, after all. So I have damn good reasons for being here. And for making Landry listen to me.

Anyway… we're in his office now and he's looking expectantly at me. "So... what did you want to talk to me about?"

Alright. Let's get ourselves in trouble, head on. "Sergeant DeLisle, sir."

Landry's only reaction is a raised eyebrow indicating _very_ mild interest. Just you wait. "Is the Sergeant giving you trouble?"

You mean aside from the fact that I'm pretty sure that he's been going through hell for roughly a week now? "No, sir."

"What else would you like to talk to me about, then?" Very mild interest just got replaced by starting annoyance. Good.

"His temporary absence, sir." Come on, boy, don't give me that whole clueless attitude. You didn't become head of one of the US military's most secret installations for nothing.

"Major... will I get to hear more than just one-liners from you?" Ah, finally we're getting somewhere. "Because my patience is starting to wane." No really? Then I'm sure you'll understand how _my_ patience practically _exploded_ when I had all my puzzle pieces together. "You and your team strained it already a lot during last week. Do get to the point, and fast."

I'd like nothing better, sir. "Yes, sir. Supplementary research to last week's mission points to the fact that Sergeant DeLisle's unauthorized absence was, in fact, authorized." Among others by you, no less. Under duress – or at least that's what the meta data that I decrypted yesterday says – granted. I'm still really, really pissed, though. "But not by me, sir, neither did I know it was." Or I'd probably have made sure that a couple heads at Homeworld Security would role for a few unsavory things I discovered on the way. And here we're going with the trouble part. "I'd just like to say that if anyone _ever_ again thinks they can make decisions about my team over my head, they're going to regret it. And that includes _everyone_."

Silence. Dead silence. Oh yes, you know _very_ well what I'm talking about. And I thought O'Neill warned you about that idiot officer who wouldn't stop at nothing, not even staff grade officers, if he thought someone was messing with his team. Obviously, O'Neill couldn't stand you if he didn't.

"Try not to forget yourself, Major." Oooh, someone's really pissed about having been called out on one of his less than stellar decisions.

Alright, let's piss him off a little more. "I just wanted to state a fact, sir, and take it to you for consideration."

I can see that he's burning to throw me out of his office, but knows that he has nothing he can use against, at least not today. He can't punish any of us for being AWOL since he sanctioned Dee's absence because _someone_ at the Agency put a lot of pressure on him and he signed Dee's mission off and he sanctioned _our_ absence because his personal Corporal owed my Lieutenant a favor and my Lieutenant is a secret badass grifter. He can't even throw me out for being disrespectful because I didn't attack him personally.

And to think Laura wanted to tie me up at home so I wouldn't go and ruin my career over a few unconfirmed rumors. Pffft.

Landry seems to have realized that there's no way he can get back at me and there's a certain resignation in his voice when he says, "Duly noted, Major."

Yeah, you better. "Thank you, sir."

He nods and makes a gesture in the direction of the door behind me. "Dismissed, Major."

Righty-o. I tip my head in a salute just about formal enough not to get literally booted out of the office after all and turn around.

Phew. So, that went… alright? Okay, at least according to Laura's gloom and doom prophecies, it went _spectacular_. According to her, it was supposed to end my career in a blaze of glory, including being thrown out of the office by Landry's own hands and receiving a magnificent yelling on top of it. She'll be so very disappointed that it didn't happen that I'm almost tempted to exaggerate my exit, just to keep her off my back.

Anyway, where to… "Hey, Tom." Oh just great. Look who's back from vacation. Evan fucking Lorne. "Anything interesting happened while I… whoa, nice shiner you got there." Yes, of course he'd have to comment on that. Just like basically _everyone_ I ran into ever since Kid had a case of the Rambos. "How'd you acquire that one?"

I resist a dramatic sigh. "None of your business."

"Ran into a door?" Fuck your fucking grin and your fucking smugness, you fucking bastard. "Or was it a fist?"

"Absolutely and totally _irrelevant_." Ah, shit. As soon as I said that I realize the trap I just ran into full force.

Stupid grinning motherfucker. "Wait a moment. Was it your little Lieutenant?"

Just one more word and I'll have to deck him so hard he'll have to spend his first week back on the job in the fucking infirmary. "She's _not_ my Lieutenant."

"I can't believe you let that girl beat you up." _Jesus_ fucking Christ. How did he just manage to catch me like that _twice_?

This time, I _can't_ resist the longsuffering sigh. I've been heaving those with alarming frequency in the last couple of days. "It was one single punch."

He raises his eyebrows and makes a silent whistling motion with his mouth. Fuck you. "If it was, it was pretty well aimed. Gotta give her credit for that, at least."

Ass. Maybe I can rescue this situation, though. "Yeah, and guess who taught her that."

He makes a show of thinking really hard and then… "Your Sergeant? Laura?" Of _course_ he'd say that. And the worst thing? He's probably right. I _wasn't_ the one in charge of her practical unarmed combat training. Dee was.

That doesn't mean I have to accept Lorne's bullshitting, though. "Asshole."

Okay, that probably wasn't really imaginative. "My pleasure." Yeah, I guess I deserved that. "Anyway… _did_ anything interesting happened while I was gone?"

Contrary to public opinion, I am able to spot an attempt at serious conversation when I see one, even if it comes in the kind of casual voice that Lorne just used. I try to keep the same tone up. We're still in a public hallways in the SGC, after all. "My Sergeant went AWOL because his past came back to bite him in the ass."

That's as much as Lorne will ever hear about it and from the look of it, he knows that. "Got him back?"

I've known him for thirteen years now and that's probably how I know that behind that laid-back, almost uninterested tone, there's real interest and maybe a bit of worry, too because that's just what Lorne does. Worrying about his friends, fellow soldiers, subordinates… you name it. When he arrives at those places he's going – and he definitely is, much more than I am – he's gonna have a hell of a time not to lose his head over his worrying one day. I nod. "Sure did."

He grins. _What_? "You would've never gotten over your stupid pride without your girls, would you?"

See, and _this_ is one of the absolute disadvantages of working with people who've known you for thirteen years and seen you at your absolute _worst _in anything from hangovers after "Single Retreat" weekends at the Academy to nearly getting killed due to a stupid pilot error in flight school. They just know you too fucking well. "Just shut up."

"I'm just saying." Not well enough to just do what you ask of them, though.

Goddammit. "And _I_ said shut _up_."

He doesn't even have the decency to flinch at my death glare, just shrugs and says, "Sure," which just proves that he doesn't have any intention to shut up anytime soon. "By the way, you still owe me that barbecue."

Right. Uh-huh. Sure. "If I remember it correctly, _you_ owe _my_ team one."

At that, Lorne just grins. He totally _knew_ that and actually thought I'd fall for one of his diversions a _third_ time. _Why_ am I friends with this guy? "How lucky that I had one planned for tomorrow. Consider yourself and your team invited." Oh, right, because he's such a goody-two-shoes.

Alright, least I can do is play along. He did just invite us to free food tomorrow. "You're being too kind."

"I invited Lieutenant Forsberg as well." I just can't… I… the _bastard_. Stupid fucking Forsberg who had the _audacity_ to ask out one of _my_ teammates, _multiple times_.

Another death glare, and this time I wish looks could kill. "I take everything back. You really are an asshole."

"Now why would you call me that… _twice_?" Seriously? He's trying for innocent? _Seriously_? Fucking bastard knows very well how much I do _not_ approve of Forsberg anywhere near my Lieutenant in a fifty mile radius if it can be helped.

"Just... cause." The _nerve_ the guy has. One day, I _will_ get to deck him for purposely… "Come on, I got a couple really great steaks and a crate of imported Pilsner you're gonna love." Damn, I hate it that my friends know me well enough to be able to create the perfect lure for something I know I'll probably regret.

Ah, whatever. "Yeah, fine. But please remind Forsberg that I will instill the holy fear of God in him if he so much as looks the wrong way at Reece."

He rolls his eyes. "I will do no such thing." Damn decent officers. They're never up for a bit of healthy threatening of their subordinates. "And _you_ will do no such thing, either." Yeah, right, _make_… "But you may glare at him for about two seconds."

Oh fine. "Whatever. See you tomorrow. Gotta instill the fear of God in _someone_, if I'm not allowed to do it to the rightful recipient."

That just makes him snort and again I wonder why we're friends. "Would you like me to schedule an inter-team unarmed combat session so you can take it out on him when he can actually defend himself?" Oh, right. _That's_ why I'm still friends with him.

"Yeah, well, _if_ he can defend himself." Oh come on, don't get all huffed up again. "Anyway… I'll tell the team they're invited. See you tomorrow?"

He nods and turns to go, probably to gently introduce Forsberg to the fact that he'll have the crap beaten out of him next time he enters the workout room – okay, if Laura and Lorne don't manage to step in first – and says, "Sure. Have fun doing that instilling the fear of God thing."

And with that he's gone and I… well, I'm left to call Laura and tell her how my meeting with Landry went. In which _she_ will probably instill the fucking fear of God in _me_. But dammit, it was worth it. _No one_ will ever mess with _my team_ again. Not if I can prevent them from it, and I goddamn will.


	2. Chapter 2

**A****/N:** Look, guys, new chapter! It took a little longer because it was a bit difficult to write, seeing as Dee isn't the most forthcoming of characters when it's about mental issues but we managed to agree on something like a compromise in the end, so I hope you like it :) A big thank you to **mackenziesmomma** for helping me find a setting a decide on a few plot points (also for plotting around an AU to later developments in the series that I really shouldn't talk about because I swore to myself that I wouldn't write it)!

Also, an equally big thank you to my reviewers! I can't tell you often enough how great it is to know that there are still people around here who follow this and even new people. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking with me :)

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**Two**

_DeLisle_

I'm pretty sure one of us was supposed to hang around in the hallways around Landry's office in an inconspicuous manner to intercept the Major and keep him from blowing up his career for a rather petty message to the guy with two stars on his shoulder that would probably only take that message, shred it and shove it back down the Major's throat. I really think we were supposed to do that.

So _why_ is this hallway empty and where… "If you're looking for Major Moore, I just got him when he left Landry's office." Oh _great_. Just fucking… "Uh, Sergeant? Is there a problem?"

I clear my throat for Major Lorne's benefit. "No, sir, no problem."

He does that little clenching his jaw thing that they all like to do when officers know you're lying at them but know that they can't openly call you out on it. Then, "Let me guess: he wasn't supposed to talk to General Landry?"

Damn officers who are too smart for themselves. Or maybe he just has known the Major for too long. Either way… I resist rolling my eyes. "I can neither confirm nor deny that, sir."

"Very funny, Sergeant." Typical dead pan Lorne look now and I've definitely been here too long if I can attribute which looks are typical for officers not on my team and which aren't. "You know… whatever the reason he wasn't supposed to do that, I'm sure you were right with trying to prevent him from it." Yep, definitely has known the Major for too long for his own good. "And if you'd have clued me in, I'd have done my best to assist you."

Huh. Okay… "And we'd have appreciated it, sir."

That makes him grin in a sort of resigned or maybe knowing way, saying, "Next time, don't hesitate to count me in for a little Moore watching." Okay, that's _not_ what I expected but then again… sometimes I do tend to underestimate people. "Anyway, in case he forgets: you're all invited to that barbecue I still owe Major Moore and the rest of you for tomorrow. Remind him if he…"

"Oh God, please tell me I didn't miss him." And that would be Lieutenant Reece, slightly late for the schedule we didn't actually work out and agree on but probably might have thought of.

Also, Major Lorne seems to find this highly amusing for some reason. This isn't funny, sir. "As a matter of fact, you just did, Lieutenant." And with that he leaves, actually patting her shoulder when passing her and cheerfully telling us, "Better luck next time, guys. See you tomorrow at my place," over his shoulder before hurrying away. I'm pretty sure I just heard him chuckle under his breath.

Reece doesn't look amused, either.

"Uh, is there something I should know?" Huh? "What's with the see you at my place thing, Dee? You know something I don't?"

Oh, yeah, right. "Actually, yes, ma'am. Seems Major Lorne decided to cash in on that barbecue he's been owning us for a couple months."

She frowns for a moment and doesn't look too happy about the implications of that invitation. "You think he invited his team, too?"

For a moment, I wonder where that question just came from. Then I remember that she used to date one of Lorne's team members for a few months. "He didn't say so directly, ma'am. I don't mean to pry but…"

Another frown. "I'm not sure what you mean, Dee…" but then she seems to have realized that I was about to ask her if there was any bad blood between Forsberg and her that she didn't tell us about. "Oh, if this is about Peter and me stopping the dating thing, no, oh no, that's not gonna be an issue. We parted on friendly terms."

Damn, I can't believe I actually started to slip into a kind of big brother protectiveness for a moment. I clear my throat. "Well, that's good to hear. I just… you know."

For some reason, that actually makes her grin and she shakes her head again. "It's okay, really. I'm just worried for Lieutenant Forsberg's safety when the Major's around."

I raise my eyebrow. "You really think he still hasn't forgiven Forsberg for having the nerve to ask you out?"

She sighs and rolls her eyes. "I _know_ that he hasn't. When you were AWOL…" What? What when I was AWOL? "Never mind. I uh… I was looking for you, actually."

You were? And what when I was AWOL? Why do you all stop yourselves when talk comes up about that damn AWOL thing? "What did I do now, ma'am?"

She grimaces, not unlike Laura when the Major made a particularly bad joke. "Very funny, Sergeant."

I can't help but grin. "I must be. You're the second officer to tell me that today."

She rolls her eyes again and I'm starting to get the feeling that it's time to call her by her first name. "Okay, now that you're done with trying to mess with me…" Whoa there, Lieutenant… right. There's that blush again when she thinks she went too far. Seriously, for a moment, I thought she was under some strange alien influence or something. "Anyway, I was wondering… if it would be possible for you to teach me some of those bread crumb trails you left for the Major up on that mountain?"

Alright, I did not expect _that_. Actually, I don't really know what I was expecting but it sure as hell wasn't that. I blink. "I, uh… of course. I guess."

I _know_ that the first thing she wants to do is raise her eyebrow Major style and ask "You _guess_?" but what she actually does is give me a little grin and say, "Great. So, uh…"

Oh, _okay_. I sigh soundlessly. "Do you have to be anywhere important right now?"

It makes her stop and actually takes her a moment to realize what I just offered. When it registers, she _definitely_ looks like _she_ didn't expect me to take on that training right now. To her credit, she manages to recover pretty fast. "Now that the Major probably ruined his career… no. You?"

I probably deserved that. "No, ma'am. You want to go take anything with you?"

"No, I'm all set," she says and gives me a confident little smile, as if saying "Look, I actually kept all that shit about being always prepared and everything!" and I can't help nod approvingly. She didn't bring her tac vest but I'm pretty sure she's got everything we told her to have ready in her available pockets.

"Alright, let's go." Looking a little… _bouncy_? Yeah, she definitely has a kind of weird spring to her step. Excited, sure, expectant, totally… and… _nervous_? Well. I nod at her and start walking towards the elevators. As we make our way upwards, we both remove our team and unit patches independently from each other and again, I realize how far she's come from the quiet little Lieutenant they pushed at the Major.

She still has her insecure moments – hell, who doesn't? – and she's still a pretty open book but a lot of the things we taught her in an exhausting amount of hours is second nature to her now. Also, probably much more important, she managed to keep that stubborn streak of hers and that subtle sarcasm she shows in the least expected moments. She doesn't let the Major intimidate her as often as she did when she started out in the team and sometimes, she even manages to get back at him… sometimes even not exactly subtle. I'm still a little bit in awe of that black eye she managed to plant on him.

So… we're on the surface now and what amazes me is that she doesn't even bat an eyelash when I direct her away from the security post, into the shrubbery covering the Mountain up here. I'm about to comment on it before I remember that the Major likes to grumble about her not giving up that damn hiding spot of hers up on the Mountain now and then. I didn't really believe it until now but apparently, she really does have that spot. Huh.

"Okay," she says when I stop at a spot far away enough from the entry gates that the SFs probably won't notice us right away, "start imparting your wisdom on me, Obi-Wan."

Damn, I really didn't want to grin but I just couldn't help it. "Not only Harry Potter, but also Star Wars. I'm impressed, Lieutenant."

At that, she only rolls her eyes, probably barely refraining from telling me how very funny that was yet again. "In my head, I'm a merrily bubbling well of pop culture allusions. Now… can we get to work?"

Been around the Major too long, Lieutenant? "Yes, ma'am. If you would kindly lend me your ears…" She rolls her eyes again but crouches down next to me and I pull a piece of string out of pocket. One of those still left over from that AWOL thing… no, better not think about that now. I blink away the memories that threaten to come up at looking at a stupid piece of string. "Okay, first lesson: knots."

As I explain to her the complicated set of knots the Major and I developed over the years, she listens very intently and again, I'm amazed at how well she's able to absorb everything you tell her. I'm pretty sure she'll have forgotten half of the knots I'm showing her by tomorrow but I have every faith in her linguistic abilities to be perfectly able to string together a couple helpful sentences with the knowledge she manages to retain. And if she keeps tying those as well as she is right now, she'll probably be able to write Ancient poetry with them in a couple of months. She's scary that way.

I keep watching her and correcting her and for a moment, her hands look like Tali's, even though they don't even share the same tone of skin. Where Reece's is milky white and covered in freckles, Tali's was a wonderful milk coffee brown, like a latte macchiato with a little bit too much espresso. She was Latina right down to her toes. Jet black hair, whiskey-colored eyes…

"Dee?" What? Huh? "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I… of course. I…" She frowns. You know, sometimes I do agree with the Major about those damn linguists, especially when they see right through your stupid lies because they can read body language just as well as Ancient texts.

"You looked like you just saw ghost." I blink, realizing that my hands are actually shaking.

In the stupid hope that she hasn't noticed that yet, I clench them together and put on a brave front. "I'm fine, don't worry." And now, as a last resort survival measure, for something completely different. "Okay, so… you're doing really great, although I'd suggest you keep working on your A. Unless you actually _intend_ to tell the Major that he's a "big stupid oef", that is."

Oh good God, I'm having a real hard time here not to snort with amusement at the beet red blush covering her face. She must have been tying those knots subconsciously and apparently, her hands betray her just like mine betray me. But, okay, I guess I'll have to exercise mercy here. "Anyway, just… keep practicing." She does look a little bit relieved that I don't get further into this and I have to say that it is a great achievement on the field of self-restraint on my part. There actually is a part inside of me that desperately wants to know why the hell the Major let her sleep in his bedroom. "Alright… what do you want to see next?"

She scrunches her nose and I'm pretty sure the Major would have a minor turn-on issue now. I just won't get deeper into how I could possibly know this but seriously, he's just as an open book as she is in that regard. "That thing with the pine needles." Huh, what? "Up on that mountain, the Major stopped several times to mess around with a couple pine needles on the ground and after that, he'd point in another direction."

Ah, right, yeah, _that_.

I clear my throat and gesture for her to follow me over to a cluster of conifers. I crouch down next to her and start roaming around in a little pile of needles. "The trick is," yes, the pontificating tone is on purpose, "to make it look random."

"That's what I figured, yes." Hey, are you getting cheeky, Lieutenant?

I look at her and I'm afraid I'm giving her one of those Major looks. Her only response is trying very hard not to giggle and again I'm wondering how long it'll still be until she reacts the same to that look on the Major's face. "Alright, it's a little bit more complicated than the knotting but a better fit when you're out of knotting material."

Her face says "No, really?" and I decide to ignore it, instead concentrating on showing her the patterns I worked through with the Major. And Tali, before I quit the Agency. She used to make fun of my style, saying I was too neat to make it ever look completely random and I remember telling her in return that half the time I had no idea what her messages were about. Her reply had always, _always_ been something like "Pity, Sy. You were missing out on a lot of unprofessional fun."

_God_, Tali, I… "Dee? Dee, are you okay?" What? I…

"Yeah, sure." It's an automatic response, perfected in years and years of military service and of course she isn't buying it.

"I don't think so." I wouldn't either, if I were her. My hands are shaking again, so bad that the message I tried to create with pine needles, pine cones and a few little stones looks like something akin to a really frustrated keyboard smash. "Dee… I'm going to ask you what the hell is going on with you now and you're going to tell me _exactly_ why you're white as a sheet and making a mess of everything."

There's something in her tone that makes it nearly impossible to resist her. It's soft and gentle and everything you'd expect from her and then there's a certain kind of steel to it underneath that you wouldn't have expected of her when she was new to the team. Damn those women Marines. "Yes, ma'am."

"Seriously, Dee… what the hell is going on with you? You're… you're scaring the living daylight out of me." To be honest… I'm scaring the living daylight out of myself.

I swallow and sit down on the ground, my hands around my knees. The ground is damp and cool, winter not fully gone around here but I'm already back on Knight's Peak on that dry, sunny spring evening about a week ago. I hear her approach from behind, a lot clearer than I actually heard her on that day, gravel and dry grass crunching beneath her boots. She's nervous, maybe desperate and it's shining through clearly when she tells me _You really are off your game, aren't you, Sy?_

I hear our entire conversation, word for word, as if someone recorded it and plays it back to me now. It's not a flashback per se, because I know very well that I'm somewhere else right now, that I'm not actually _there_ but I keep hearing her saying _You're no less of what you used to be as I am_, hearing her telling me that I'm still the same kind of killer that I was when we were on the same team and I keep wondering… if she isn't right.

"Dee?"

I blink but don't shake my head. "There was something she said to me before I shot her."

I'm waiting for her to tell me to let it go or don't do it to myself but all she does is nod and sit down next to me. "What was it?"

It takes me off-guard for a moment that she'd ask that and maybe that's why I don't hold back and tell her, "She… basically she told me that we're still the… the same kind of people. The same kind of… killer."

"What do _you_ think?" Of course she'd ask that. It's what I'm constantly asking myself.

I don't have an answer ready and all I can do is look at her and hope that the image of Tali's dead eyes and the blood trickling down her forehead in my mind will disappear anytime soon. I shake my head. "I don't know what to think, ma'am."

For a moment, I expect her to correct me, thinking that this conversation just got too personal for ranks but she just nods and looks like she's contemplating something. Then, after a few minutes of deep concentration, she says, "I nearly quit after that brainwashing mission." It's not that I didn't know that. It's not surprising, either. I just have no idea… "I didn't do it because I thought I couldn't cut it, not the second time, at least." Second… "It was after that survival drill. I seriously considered resigning my commission because I thought I couldn't bear with ever killing another being in my life."

Okay, I didn't know _that_ and I wonder if Laura or the Major know about this. Probably not, judging by the way she's avoiding my gaze. "Then why didn't you?"

She takes her time again and finally comes up with, "I thought about it, really hard. I spoke about it with my therapist. And I came to the conclusion that even despite everything, I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else than what I'm doing now ever again." The funny thing is: I can't, either. I'm pretty sure the Major is still having doubts but I've been watching her and listening to her and for some reason, I just can't imagine her sitting on a desk, day in, day out and translate intercepted Russian communiqués. Not anymore. "So I decided to stay. And make sure that if I kill, it better be for a damn good reason. It better be for something the Marine Corps stands for: fighting for those who can't fight for themselves."

I nod. That's why I joined up as soon as I was old enough to do so. One of my foster fathers – my last one – came from a long line of enlisted personnel and used to take me to his father's Arlington grave whenever when we were in the DC area. We just stood there and he'd put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. He never said anything, but two of his brothers were serving in the Air Force and I guess being someone who didn't even know his biological parents' names, I just wanted _some_ connection to a family that was nice enough to share their home with me and not demanding anything in return aside from good table manners and helping out with their farm and the house. They're the only family I still sometimes write to or visit maybe once a year.

I stare ahead, seeing all those years I already spent in the Air Force. Basic training, special forces combat training, tech school, promotion board after promotion board, transferring to the CIA, working with Tali, meeting the Major, coming to the SGC… hundreds of faces and names, fellow soldiers lost, friends found, enemies killed. I have blood on my hands and it's not all just the bad guys'. I _know_ that once or twice, a direct or indirect consequence of my actions in the field was the death of innocents and I can assure you that not a day goes by that I don't spend wondering when it will happen again.

And that's probably the only difference between Tali and me that there is.

"Dee?" I look up at her. "Usually, this is the moment where I'm supposed to tell you that you're a good person and I really think you are but I know you wouldn't believe me anyway. I know that because I've been there, too." It's not something easy to believe. Because if there's only one good person on this entire planet, it must be Maureen Reece. But then again… "And you know what helped?" Alcohol? "Therapy."

Aw come on. "Ma'am…"

"I know, I know, big scary guy who was killing people for his country long before I was even born, et cetera, et cetera." Yeah, sure, roll your eyes. It's not like that is the actual truth or anything, Miss Still Wet Behind Her Ears Lieutenant. "Dee… I'm not ordering you to and I sure as hell am not stupid enough to even contemplate to try. But I will tell you, as your _friend_, that as big and scary as you are, you can't solve this on your own." If I were the Major now, I'd probably tell her to watch me try, but as it is, I'm just not. "I don't even really care if you try therapy or just let _us_ help you or whoever else you want to help you. I'm just saying that trying to solve this all on your own will end in disaster."

It's funny, you know. If our roles were reversed, I'd have given her the exact same speech and I'd known that I was right. And here I'm still sitting around and feeling almost physically unable to accept that she's _right_. "I just…"

"Just think about it, Dee. Take your time. But don't wait too long. Things like that… they have an ugly tendency to come back and bite you in the ass in the most inopportune moments." Right. She knows what she's talking about.

I'm about to tell her that I know that she's right but there's a discreet vibration telling me that I just received a text message. Frowning – and kind of grateful for the interruption – I give her an apologetic look and take out my mobile. So…

_Such a nice and sunny day, so I decided to dust off my bike license and rent a friend for the Beemer. You coming or what?_

Uh. That does come a bit as a surprise, to be honest. Actually, I didn't even know Laura possesses a bike driving license. "Uh, I…"

"Laura?" _Dammit_. "Sorry, it was kind of obvious." Damn you, linguists. "Come on, go ahead, I don't mind being left out in the rain."

"Look, it's not what you think…" She grins. Dammit, she _actually grins_. Little vixen.

"How do you know I'm thinking anything? Just be, you know, careful." Careful? _Careful_? "Good God, Dee, just fuck off, will you?"

Right. It's not that I don't want to. Actually, I want to very, very much. It really _is_ a nice sunny, dry day, perfect for taking out the Beemer on her first out of town ride this year and I have to admit that I'd rather accompany Laura and make sure she doesn't do something stupid than sit here and keep contemplating fucking therapy. I make a face. "Are you gonna be okay here?"

She rolls her eyes. "I'll be fine, don't worry. Go."

Oh, _okay_. "Yes, ma'am." After a smart salute, I get up and… wait. I turn around again. "And Maureen… thank you. I just, uh…"

"You're welcome, Dee. Anytime." She looks up at me, a serene little smile on her face and I realize that I just called her by her first name. Well… it is well-earned, I guess and I just can't help smiling back.

"Just promise me to make sure the SFs don't find you." She rolls her eyes again.

"Cross my heart and hope to die. Now, _fuck off_." Whoa, _okay_. After throwing her one last warning glance, I finally turn around and make my way down, texting Laura to meet me at the entrance gate of the Mountain. After that conversation, I damn well deserve a little joyride. I can still think about what it all meant tomorrow. Now… Laura and the Beemer. And no, it's _not_ a date.


End file.
